On Proposals and Protests
I was going to start this newsletter with a line about how so far, these posts haven’t really been political. But that’s not actually true. I’ve been writing about women defying convention, claiming freedom and passion and sexuality. About people from different places helping each other across riptides and borders and generations. And about a seaside town that has always welcomed visitors with open arms.
When empathy is considered a radical act, it’s time for all of us to pay attention. Stories trickle through generations, reminders that we’re all immigrants, and each migration is worth celebrating. Each story is a loved one. And the only thing ice is good for is iced coffee.
Indifference is a dealbreaker on the page, as well as in society. At the end of the day, what draws us into a narrative is a set of stakes, of feeling invested in the characters who lead us through the book. Write towards specificity and characterization, and from that grows the reader’s emotional attachment.
Sometimes, though, even the best imaginations can’t conjure up the absurdities of people who grab our attention in real life. And with that, let’s head back to a cool and clouded morning on the shores of the Pacific, the ocean still as glass until the sun burns away the fog, and the afternoon waves start to break towards the shore.
My Abuelita has, over time, crafted a perfect breakfast oder that the Fonda makes especially for her – a scoop of chilaquiles rojos, two sunny side up eggs, frijoles, a healthy serving of grilled nopales, and a bit of guacamole. I had just joined her in between my zoom meetings, sipping on my second cup of roasted coffee, when an older man paused at the end of our table. He wore a large, faded straw hat and stylish black polo, slightly hunched but in good shape, with a heavy brow and serious eyes.
He and my Abuela stared at each other as I looked back and forth, waiting for her usual flourishing introduction that included showing off that her granddaughter was in town to visit her. But nothing came. He smiled at her. She nodded curtly. And he went on his way.
“He’s a businessman,” she said, as soon as he was out of earshot. “He owns several fishing and import companies that do very well, they say.”
“Okay, well, why didn’t you say hello?” I asked, adding a few nopales to the breakfast taco I was creating in my hand.
“Oh, that,” she said dismissively. “Well the thing is, he really wants to marry me. And I like my routine and freedom too much to get into all of that.”
Later that evening, after I had finished work and spent the late afternoon floating in the waves, I walked from the beach back to the Fonda, ready to watch the sun fade into watery darkness, eyes searching for the flash of green luck that sometimes shot along the horizon in that very last instant. I was with a friend, talking about our own romantic misadventures and attempts at internet dating, how oftentimes we’d rather have a solo glass of wine at home than go out on yet another mediocre date.
My Abuelita, always listening, smiled and turned her head as we approached. “Let me tell you some advice I’ve been thinking about since this morning, chicas: if you marry for convenience, the nights - they are unendingly long. But if you marry for love,” she winked, “the nights go by in the blink of an eye.”
At the end of the day, she says, it’s about what makes us happy over what society says we should want. We can choose happiness in being single over conventional marriage, even if we’ve been taught to crave stability. We can celebrate freedom between the waves, taking our time to build lives we’re excited about. And we can choose to let the nights twirl away in fits of passion, giving in to desire without a second thought.
The danger is in indifference. Indifference that comes in the form of a convenient relationship, or a book character who turns out to be a placeholder rather than a protagonist with something to say. Indifference in refusing to bear witness to the injustices happening in our communities.
Choose the things that matter.
And then show up.
TLDR:
Romantic advice: Don’t settle for what’s easy, no matter how appealing it might be. Just think of how many long nights you’ll have ahead!
Writing advice: Characters can be strange and complicated and have straw hats that are slightly too big. Just make sure they’re memorable.
Food bribe to keep you coming back:
